My Caregiving Story: The Most Wonderful Sadness

 

Frankly, I was planning to wait until Mother's Day to post this. Today is our Canadian Thanksgiving, and for some inexplicable reason I feel compelled to share this now. So here it is. It's based on my speech, when I am invited to speak as a Facilitator, at the Longterm Care Homes in Toronto.

* * *

In 2005, at the age of 89, my mother fell and broke her wrist. She was living on her own in Montreal, so my husband Vince and I brought her to Toronto to live with us. The doctors were impressed with how quickly she healed, but over time we discovered that her forgetfulness and her lack of appetite were of greater concern, and that it was related to Dementia. We had a steep learning curve, and it didn't help that I was in complete denial about it for months.

When she was summarily dismissed from a nearby Community Centre for needing too much care for their daily programmes, I threw a major fit. I was insulted when they suggested she join another local organization catering to Alzheimer/Dementia folks. Because I desperately needed a daily respite for a few hours, we tried it out, and to my surprise and relief, she thrived. She absolutely loved it there. They’d send a van to pick her up and bring her home, and she went about 3 days a week. She made friends with her peers and the excellent staff, and I humbly and slowly, came to understand about my mother's condition.

The most troubling part was her adamant refusal to eat much, if anything. I didn't want her to starve herself to death, and my nerves were seriously frayed from worry as never before. (One day when she was very ill with a fever, I accidentally nuked her slippers because I forgot to separate them from their microwaveable inserts, and placed them into the microwave!) At that moment I broke down, realizing I was seriously in over my head, and if I kept going the way I was, I wasn't going to be of much use to anyone, especially Mom.  So I began researching Nursing Homes, also called Long Term Care Homes.

Now one thing that was a lifesaver and I can't recommend this strongly enough, is the Respite Program that is offered by some nursing homes. About once a month Mom would go for a few days, and she loved it, since it reminded her of sleep away camp and she was a very social person. In this manner, in the space of a year, she experienced a few different places and we all got to familiarize ourselves with the culture within Nursing Homes.

Being a writer/researcher, I really did my homework, and found one that 2 social workers from different organizations told me THEIR families lived in, and frankly, I was impressed - especially after the tour, so that's where I made sure Mom was placed. (It was one of only two places I was willing to consider.) And when it was time for mom to transition from our place to the Nursing Home, in February 2006, it went extremely smoothly, and she adapted easily. Once again, the staff loved her (because she was pert and witty) and she made friends with peers there as well.

While mom lived with me, for about a year, before she was accepted at the LTC home, I researched and utilized a myriad of available resources, from a physical therapist who worked with mom while her fractured wrist was healing, to caregivers from an agency, who came by once a week to give mom showers. I was lucky, and discovered a lady in the neighbourhood who is also a professional caregiver. She became invaluable to us. Mom really liked her, and she was just great at supplementing the weekly showers from the agency, and spelling hubby and me for a rare night out.

About 6 months after mom moved into her nursing home, I discovered the Family Council. I was so relieved to meet other family members in the same boat as me. At my first meeting, I was voted in as VP of Communications, and enjoyed every moment participating in that position for the 4 years mom was there. It was a wonderful way to bond with other family members and to learn about the inner workings of these facilities. I invited the Guest Speakers, such as department heads, medical staff, Alzheimer’s specialists, vendors, and grief counsellors, etc., to visit our group and we learned so much from them.

Sadly, eventually mom’s heart gave out and she passed away at the age of 94 in 2010. I stepped down from our Family Council and shortly thereafter joined the umbrella organization, The Ontario Family Councils Program where I am a volunteer Facilitator with 8 Toronto LTC homes under my jurisdiction. I've manned information booths at educational trade fairs and been the Guest Speaker at other Family Councils meetings and events. So in this way, I believe I'm honouring both of my late parents to the best of my abilities.

It should be noted that for most of my life my mother and I had a very difficult, contentious relationship, which ended up with my being placed into the Foster Care System from the age of 11 (just after my Dad moved to the United States) until I was 18. My point is that it wasn't until she developed Dementia, and I stepped up to the plate, that our relationship turned around. Several of my friends still don't understand how I could do this knowing my painful childhood history. But it was a surprisingly easy decision because initially I did this for me. I felt that I needed and deserved to have a mom who was well taken care of, who knew that I loved her, and that I had her best interests at heart.

So the very thing I was in denial about, the dreaded Dementia, in our case was a healing thing. Who knew, that for us to finally have a truly happy, healthy and positive relationship, I was meant to step into the parenting role, advocating on her behalf? And believe me I am so glad I did. I miss her so.

Centre photo: Mom was moved to happy tears when we threw a surprise party for her 90th birthday at her favourite eatery - The United Bakers Dairy Restaurant. (The staff were amazing to us, and we were especially thrilled when her favourite waitress, the lovely Maria, was there for her. Not pictured, just sharing that tidbit.)

* * *

The Most Wonderful Sadness

When someone has the courage

To confront the past

To embrace it wholly

The experience while it lasts

To untie the knots

Of all the years

Then retie them in a bow

So when it's really over

You truly know

The gladness of the most wonderful sadness

I know.

© Joyce Singer-D'Aprile

Chatting Up Big Brother Canada’s Andrew Monaghan

Andrew Monaghan

Lucky me! In May I blogged about bumping into Liza Stinton, my favourite female cast member from the first season of Slice’s reality show Big Brother Canada. This summer I also had the pleasure of chatting up one of my favourite male cast members, Andrew Monaghan. By then he was back home in Nova Scotia, and as I’m based in Ontario, where Big Brother Canada is produced, we spoke by telephone. Big Brother 15 USA is wrapping up this Wednesday, and since the Canadian producers of Big Brother are casting for Season 2, the timing feels right to share my fun convo with Andrew about his experience on the show.

J: This is a thrill. I’m a huge fan of the BB Franchise. I’ve been watching the American Big Brother since Season One, wishing, hoping, and praying we’d get our own version of the show here in Canada. 

A: For sure. We all did. 

J: Andrew, you were probably in diapers when it first launched on CBS and Global TV. 

A: I was the oldest on the show, you know that right?

J: Yes, and you were my favourite of the guys. 

A: Oh, thank you very much! I actually watched the finale of the first one, when they had Eddy, the guy with one leg who won. I didn’t really like it but I heard they were going to make some changes so I watched seasons 2, 3, 4 5, and was still disenchanted with it. Then I moved to Germany, so I missed out on seasons 6 & All-Stars 7 which were supposed to be the best ones. My mom is German and I went there on my own to learn German and to work in a bar. 

J: Big Brother is huge in Europe. It started in Holland.

A: The one in Germany is massive. But it’s not the same as the North American shows. For instance they don’t have HOH’s (the nominating power position of Head of Household) or stuff like that. The German one is so different; they are always totally naked, with people having sex… (laughs) oh, maybe it’s not that different. But they are a lot less competition-driven and more like a popularity contest. 

J: In BB 1 USA, the public voted.

A: That’s exactly how it is all over the world, except the United States and Canada. Whoever gets the most votes from the nation is evicted. I think I would have done a lot better if it was that way. Because there are no game-twists, it’s just about who you are. And I’m very lucky; I believe I’m one of the ones who really represented myself well. And I think I had quite a few fans, even though I joke with self-deprecation all the time that I have no fans. I don’t have the most for sure…

J: If it’s quality over quantity, you’re doing great! (laughs)

A: Thanks, I think if it was just based on who you are, I’d have done a lot better. Because the show has a lot of twists, it’s a TV show. I mean who wants to see me telling a few jokes to AJ (Anuj Burman) when you can see Emmett and Jillian kissing? 

J: That got real old, real quick for some of us.

A: Trust me that got real old for me too. (laughs) If it was just based on popularity, I’d have done a lot better, although I did pretty well.

J: You did win something substantial.

A: I won a $10,000.00 gift card & home shopping spree from the Brick. I won that in a Veto Competition.  It’s the one where Emmett (Blois) got disqualified and Peter (Brown) showed his true colours as a sore loser. 

J: Were you very nervous in the beginning? It seemed to me that for the first week or so, you were constantly telling jokes and being silly and whatnot, but once you started to settle in there, and began having heart to heart conversations with your castmates, it was very endearing. 

A: In the beginning you don’t know anyone there. So you are trying to read everybody… I wasn’t 100% of myself on the show. Well, I was. But I toned it down a bit, because I’m so sarcastic and I’ll call people out. I’m brutally honest. But when you’ve got someone like Tom (Plant) there, and you want to say, Bro, I’ve met a million of you, and all the stories you are telling me, I’ve lived it, and I don’t care to hear it again. But you don’t say that, the first week, you just sit back and listen.  You don’t want to ruffle any feathers. 

J: This had to be surreal. Have you done anything else like this before? 

A: Me? I’ve done nothing. 

J:  For someone who is a total novice to the whole showbiz experience, I’m guessing it’s got to feel like Alice falling down the rabbit hole. I understand that your brother is the one who is the Superfan, who talked you into applying for the show.

A: Pete and Tracy, my brother and sister-in-law, are big fans. They watch every episode of Big Brother and they watch a lot of the live feeds. I was a big fan but I got disenchanted with it and had also moved away. I also worked nights in a bar and then switched to working in insurance. I switched careers because I didn’t want to be 40 and working nights in a bar. It was just no life.  I’m a trainer now. I can stand up and talk, which I like.  

So I was at home watching BB 14 and saw the commercials for auditions for Big Brother Canada. I know I have a rather large personality. I’m a jokester. Pete and Tracy were like, “You are perfect for this, you have to go for it, and with your personality you could do very well. You’re older, but act and look younger.” (Andrew turned 39 in August.) 

In the Big Brother world, I was ‘the old guy’. So Pete was really encouraging me to go for it and I thought - when am I ever going to have another opportunity for a big show like this? What do I have to lose? Nothing. So I just went for it. And a month later I was one of the lucky ones they chose! 

J: Like I said to Liza, no matter where you ended up in the pecking order of winners and losers on the show, you have won, by making history, being on the very first season of Canada’s Big Brother. 

 Bottom row, third from the left, Andrew Monahan

Bottom row, far right, in colour, Season One winner Jillian MacLaughlin

A: We all said that. Next year might be a more amazing season, but we will always be the first. We were the pioneers for Canada. No one can understand or relate to us because we are the original ones. Doesn’t matter if Kat (Yee) was the first one voted out, or if AJ was the first one in the Jury house, or if Emmett is the biggest star, or if Gary (Levy) is the biggest star, or that Jillian (MacLaughlin) won.

J: Probably this was on the live feeds, and not the show so much, but I wasn’t a big fan in the beginning when you were being kind of a Happy Jack, with the non-stop jokes. But for instance when you would sit quietly chatting with Talla (Rajaei) in the backyard, brushing or stroking her hair, sometimes for hours on end, I thought it was quite endearing. Although I know that by the end of the season, you were ready to practically string her up by it, when she got on your nerves.  (laugh) Anyhow, I remember thinking, what a sweet guy! 

A: Cool. She had soft hair! (laughs) I got a huge fan base from After Dark or the Live Feeds. On the show, you didn’t really see me much. There’s no funny Andrew, which is what I really am like.  

J: But you weren’t running around being a little hump-machine like some of the others. You managed to keep your dignity.

A: I hear that a lot. Everybody has haters, but I have very, very few haters. Now I was upset when Gary came back into the game. He was the one that I nominated and everyone voted him out. 

J: It wasn’t his fault. The audience voted him back into the game.

A: I would have been upset about whoever came back into the game, even AJ.

J: Plus you were badly blindsided by your own alliance. I was upset by that and was ready to punch my TV at that point. I was yelling at the screen, “No!!! These are your chums, and they are evil, evil people!” (laugh)

A: Joycie I made a mistake. I made a mistake. I’m playing a game and who am I supposed to play with? Peter and Alec (Beall) ? It was clear they were in an alliance with each other. They had their other alliances as well. So I had decided to hitch my wagon to my horses from the East. I often get people coming up to me, saying they liked me on the show, but WHY did I trust Jillian? I will be talking about this for the rest of my life.

J: The East Coast Alliance with Emmett and Jillian. The trouble is that she stabbed so many people in the back before you… Jillian was just picking off people, one by one. If you are the first one she does this too, okay. But by the third one, you’ve got to see it coming?!

A: It’s very simple for someone on the outside to see what’s going on in the house, but inside, you need to trust somebody. What was I supposed to do that late in the game? I thought I had a final two with her because she said she couldn’t beat Emmett, she wanted to go with me to the end. But she didn’t want to… let’s just say, bust things up with Emmett. 

J: Because they were in a Showmance.  In your opinion who was the bigger star, Emmett, or Jillian who ultimately won? 

A: Emmett! Who was nominated the first night with Tom? Who was in the Quatro Alliance? Who was in the Showmance with Jillian? Emmett. Who was always getting disqualified? (Laughs) Emmett was always on the show. For the first 3 or 4 weeks you don’t really see me, ‘til about week 3 when I have a dinner task. I started to make my appearances later on when there were less people.  

To be honest with you, Joycie, if I could change anything, I would NOT have set up a final two with Jillian, but with Emmett. Saying it’s you and me, buddy, ‘til the end. 

J: Yep, I think you might have had better luck that way. It seemed like ALL of the guys in the Showmances were prepared to cut their ladies loose. Anyhow, now that all the machinations are obviously behind you, and the show is now over, I gather the East Coast Alliance are still chums now. 

A: Yeah. It’s a game. I was on a TV show, playing a competition I was trying to win. Once it was over, that was it.

 

J: Some folks from the show are trying to spin this into a career.

A: Are you asking me if I’d like a career in Television?  Sure! I always thought I had a personality that was destined for more, but I’ve also got a laziness that trumps that. I’ve got a job so that I can live. I do not live to work. 

When I worked in a bar, people would always say , "You are so funny, you should become an entertainer." But I didn’t really think about it, or take acting lessons or anything. But after this experience, I do think I have a personality for television. I think I play myself quite well.” (laughs) I enjoy standing in front of the camera, and I’d love to do something where I’m dealing with people.

J: Where you work, are there some folks who are star-struck around you? 

A: The training process is about 3 – 5 weeks and they all start with a meet and greet. We’ve had a couple since I’ve been back, and there have been some instances where it’s like, “Hey, how ya doin’, I’m Andrew!” And they say… (sounding awestruck) “I know!” (chuckles) I actually had someone say “I’m star struck right now!” And I’m like, “Thank you, that’s great, but now let’s gets back to learning about insurance, and we can talk about Big Brother later, after class.”

Actually I don’t mind this. The only time it starts to get frustrating, is when I go downtown to the bars, and people come up to you…  that’s fine, I want people to come up to me. But on certain occasions, like say you’re talking to somebody, or you’ve met somebody, and you are really enjoying the conversation, and all of a sudden, you feel this hovering right next to you. You feel their eyes just on you, and you turn to them and say, “WHAT?!” And they want to get their picture taken with you. Of course I want that. It’s just that sometimes it gets a little bit overwhelming. 

J: Do you feel like you’ve sold your soul a little bit? 

A: Yeah. It’s just non-stop. 

J: What were some of the highlights and some of the lowlights for you on the show?

A: I had a checklist: During the whole process you ask yourself, where am I and where do I want to be, do they match up? When the show starts, you want to be one of the people who are on the show. So, check. Then it’s like, well I don’t want to be the first one gone. Hey, check. Okay, now I just want to make it to the Jury. Check. I want to win. Uncheck!

So for me, when I was watching the first night of Big Brother 15 (USA) and they were waiting in the wings, I was nervous for them. I could understand cuz I was in their shoes. When you meet everybody, you are like… Omigod, I have to live with these yahoos?! People say it was FUN. Well fun might be a stretch. There were great times, other times it was miserable. But for me the best times were when you won stuff. For me, the highlights were winning the competitions that I won. 

 Andrew in the BB Canada Kitchen prepping the punitive slop meal. Slop is
a cereal concoction, with all the vitamins and nutrients added, that apparently tastes like dirt.

J: What went through your mind when your twin brother walked through the door? That, for me, was the most amazing moment! 

A: Oh yeah, Joycie, that’s the thing I get the most comments about.  

J: Do you wish you would have reacted any differently. It was a competition and everyone had to freeze in whatever position you were in, and you had tears rolling down your cheeks when you saw your brother appear.

A: Not at all. I showed who I am. I am very much my own person and I don’t care anymore what people think. Well not as much as I used to. So when I was standing there it was a very difficult task. To remain frozen as they brought in a sumo wrestler, and the Toronto Argonauts Cheerleaders, and you have to just stand still… it isn’t easy. When I looked out of the corner of my eye and I see that it’s Pete, and I’m thinking they are upping the ante here… I’m overwhelmed but I’m thinking don’t move. I think that’s why they brought Pete in, they know that I’m a major competitor and it doesn’t hurt that I have a twin brother who looks pretty darned good. (laughs) If I do say so myself. But then he showed me the video of my nieces, then I lost it and had tears rolling down my cheeks. I’m thinking, "I’m happy to see ya, thank you for coming, but get the hell out of here!" (laughs). I was thrilled for him to be there, because he’s such a huge fan. Then I’m thinking: "Okay, get out." I’m also thinking that everyone else’s family is going to come in. Little did I know that I was the only one selected. That was pretty heavy.

J: Now I’m going to be nosy: Has your romantic life improved, since you’ve been on the show? 

A: I have this bit of a complex now, Joycie. Where if someone says, “Omigod, I love you sooo much." I’m thinking do you love me because I’m Andrew, or do you love me because I’m Andrew from Big Brother, or do you love me because you saw me on TV? To be honest with you, I’ve had many people come up to me for pictures and autographs, but then they move on. When young girls, 22, 25 come up to me, most of the time they are asking where’s Emmett? Or a good section of my female fans are 40+. And also there are the twitter fans, who say they want to marry me. (laughs) 

J: You are still in the first blush of fame. You have this notoriety. Maybe you could spin this into a gig on The Bachelor show.

A: I’m not young and rich, so that’s not going to happen. 

J: Who are you still friends with now that the show is over? 

A: Jillian, Emmett and I all live in Nova Scotia. Emmett lives about 5 minutes from my house. His family farm is about 40 minutes from here, and Jillian lives about an hour and a half from here. 

J: I had the pleasure of meeting A.J. your best buddy on the show. Are you guys still chums? 

A: We tweet and such, but he lives in Toronto, and I’m in Halifax, although he’s welcome to come here, and I know I’m welcome there. But I’ve been off work for three months. And my next vacation is already planned. I’m going home to Newfoundland. But for now, I have to work. 

J: Are you still in touch with Talla? 

A: Everyone wants us to get married already. (laughs) I’m like "are you nuts?" But we do tweet, and she wants to come up and visit. 

J: What did you think about how Jillian’s win played out? Topaz (Brady) insists she accidentally voted incorrectly.

A: I’m just happy I was not in Topaz’ shoes. I’m glad I cast the last vote, and that was the one that won it for Jillian. 

J: What’s this about you, Jillian, and a pedicure? 

A: On week 4 the have-nots had to give us all pedicures. I was lucky enough to have had Jillian give me a pedicure. Now everyone thinks that I am in love with Jillian. She’s one of my favourites, and she’s also my friend. But she’s with Emmett and that’s cool. When I told her that I’m going to get a pedicure every month, because I really need it, she said we’d go together.  It would be a chance for us to once a month get together and have a chat, just the two of us, going for a pedicure, manicure, then for some drinks and dinner afterwards. When we made the final two deal on the show, we agreed that whoever wins would be paying for the first one. So once she obviously voted to get me out, and then she won, we agreed she’s responsible for paying for the first one.

Jillian paying up, photo courtesy of Andrew's Big Brother Facebook page 

J: What advice do you have for any future contestants on the of Big Brother show? 

A: Be aware of who you are and how you are being portrayed both on the show and on the live feeds. It may come back to bite you. Me, I was lucky. People respect that I played an honest game.

Review: Big Brother 15 USA: Awash in Filth – and Ratings

Cast of Big Brother 15 USA: The three finalists are highlighted. 

Finale Night: Wednesday, September 18th, 2013.
In the USA on CBS / In Canada on Global TV

 

No escaping the fact that this particular season of the American Big Brother show on Global and CBS, has been a toughie to remain loyal to, even for us hardcore fans, because of the unexpectedly blatant racism, anti-Semitism, misogyny, homophobia, bullying, and unrelenting foul language this year. One player joked several times about child pornography, which according to his local newspaper, led to a police raid on his home. Ultimately, they found nothing questionable. Because he is still isolated with the cast on the show, this contestant has no idea that his comments triggered such alarm with his local constabulary. 

Especially for the paying internet feed viewers, this Big Brother season has been painfully awash in filth and is a revolting eye-opener into a very unkind, politically incorrect world. For the most part TV-only viewers have just had to endure a sometimes whitewashed, sometimes explicit-but-still-edited version for their weekly three hour consumption. Certainly it’s an unenviable delicate balance for the producers of the television show.

Since the beginning, all over the world, the Big Brother Franchise has been a social experiment, placing strangers together in a house with absolutely no privacy for approximately 3 months to see who wins the big money at the end - once everyone else has been systematically voted out. In the States, the prize is half-a-million dollars.

Oddly, this year many of the people cast seemed unencumbered by the fact that they were being observed 24/7 by online viewers, and let loose with over the top, disgusting behaviour and verbiage. I mean much, much more than usual. This horrified most fans, and garnered unparalleled media attention, unbeknownst to the contestants. And for the same reason that some folks slow down to gawk at car accidents, the ratings improved. (*Compared to last year, BIG BROTHER USA is up +11% in viewers, +8% in adults 18-49 and +7% in adults 25-54.) The negative fallout: At least one cast member will arrive home to find his employment situation in peril, while two others have already been fired. But until these moths are released from their self-imposed cocoon next week, for the moment they are blissfully unaware of this. 

Certainly not all the contestants displayed this behaviour; a few were victimized and coped as best they could. I would like to believe that while viewership is up, it is because we fans are waiting for this motley crew to get their comeuppance on finale day, and pray that there is some genuine remorse, once they realize their antics were completely unacceptable.  But we will have to swallow that the remaining ‘players’ comprise some of the worst offenders. With a Chinese-American host (Julie Chen) married to the Jewish head of the CBS Network (Les Moonves), the staff at Big Brother must have their heads collectively swirling and twirling around like Linda Blair in the Exorcist… Thrilled to have their best ratings in years, yet horrified as to how it came about, via ignorance and prejudice from a largely unsavoury cast. But the Big Brother Franchise will soldier on; it’s already been renewed for another season - hopefully with more stringent casting.

*Ratings per cbs.com:  http://www.cbs.com/shows/big_brother/news/1001233/

You'll notice that I haven't named any of the contestants on this show, for two reasons. They have garnered plenty of personal notoriety online, on TV, and in magazines and newspapers and I am absolutely not interested in giving them any more personal publicity. Plus this is not so much about certain players and their indiscretions per se, but about how one of my favourite television shows dropped the ball in casting this year's program. For more detailed info about this Big Brother 15 (USA) casting fiasco, all one has to do is a quick online search, and I would encourage you to do so, if you are so inclined.

To be fair, I understand that the same company cast the Canadian Big Brother contestants for Season 1 this past Spring. And this Canadian is very proud and happy to report that they hit a home run with that bunch! As a matter of fact, my previous blog showcased my in depth, in person, conversation with the refreshingly outspoken Liza Stinton of Canada's Big Brother Season 1, and my very NEXT blog, will feature my telephone interview with her castmate, Andrew Monaghan, another one of my favourites from Big Brother Canada.

Liza Stinton: Big Brother Canada’s Reality ‘Showmance’ Queen

Well hello again! I'm sorry it's been so long, but life does tend to intervene. Perhaps that’s another story for another day. But I’m very inspired to get cracking again and here’s why…

Lunching with a galpal recently at Spring Rolls restaurant, I bumped into Liza Stinton from Big Brother Canada. She was seated one table away from us and was easily recognizable, not only because the show had just ended a couple of weeks before, but also because she’s one of the more memorable contestants. During her time on BB CA, this lucky lady enjoyed not one, but two, ‘Showmances’ with costars Tom Plant and Peter Brown. 

I kept Liza company while she waited for her lunch date, cast-mate Anuj “A.J.” Burman to arrive. We hit it off, and she invited me to her nearby Tanning Salon Sol'exotica, the following weekend, to interview her about her time on the show.

With BB CA's Liza Stinton @ Spring Rolls Restaurant, Yonge & Eglinton,Toronto

My lunch featuring my favourite Dim Sum items at Spring Rolls

  (The warm Triple Cheese Dumplings are simply divine!)

When A.J. arrived a few minutes later, the first thing I noticed is that he is super-slim, and while I'm not a big cologne fan, he smelled GOOD! I told him that I’d been invited to visit Liza at her tanning spa, and stated that I am probably one of the palest people on the planet. Confiding that I'd even been called ‘Ghost’ as a kid.  A.J. then put his slender, golden-toned arm next to mine, joking that I was the ‘before’ and he was the ‘after’. 

Anuj “A.J.” Burman & me

Both of them are so svelte, I asked if it was a result of the BB (Big Brother) Slop-diet. I’d forgotten that neither of them had dined on Slop during their stint on the show. It’s a cereal concoction, with all the vitamins and nutrients added, that apparently tastes like dirt. It’s a punitive meal some BB contestants have to eat, sometimes for weeks on end. (Yuck!)

The Cast of the Premiere Season of Big Brother Canada 2013

Top row: 4th from the right, Liza Stinton

Bottom row, in colour: 1st from the right, Season One winner, Jillian MacLaughlin 

The inaugural season of the reality show Big Brother Canada gave the SLICE cable TV channel its highest ratings, February 27^th – May 2^nd, primarily due to the carryover popularity of the US version of the program. The American show, Big Brother 15, is slated to premiere on Wednesday, June 26^th in Canada, on Global TV. On BB CA, teacher Jillian MacLaughlin, 27, from New Glasgow, NS, won in a controversial last-minute upset, due to a bungled voting mishap by Emerald “Topaz” Brady, one of the cast members on the Jury.

 

Arriving at Liza's Tanning Salon.

Fast forward four days. I'm at Liza’s Tanning Salon, and she’s chatting with me, between assisting clients. Sol'exotica is quite a hot-bed of activity. Pun intended! Upon arrival I take a quick peek at the facility and the various tanning chambers. While I know less than nothing about tanning spas, it looks impressive. As well there’s a selection of topical lotions and spray tans... which certainly seems tempting, and might be where I would start if I was to dip a pasty-looking toe into the tanning community.

Liza taking care of business at her Tanning Spa Sol'exotica

Liza is refreshingly candid during our chat. I begin our interview with questions from three of her biggest online fans, HWEST, JASPER, & MIZINVANCOUVER. (I've peppered the Q & A section with ScreenCaps from the 24/7 live feeds that were available online.)

HWEST: Will she ever apply to be on BB US since she is dual citizen? I think we were robbed of watching some good game play from Liza.

Liza: Aw, that’s sweet! I already applied to BB US and made it to the semi-finals five seasons ago. Now that I was on BB Canada, I’m not eligible to try out for BB US again. It’s one big happy family. It’s the same casting people. There is no chance they will do a crossover bringing Canadians to the US. But should they, I’d be happy to do so.

JASPER: Who does she really like? Probably more intelligent conversation with Peter. And if Peter looked as foolish as the audience seemed to think he did?

Liza: If you are asking if I’d pick Tom or Peter, I’d pick both. They are both really extraordinary men, but they live very far away from me, so nobody is in a relationship. I am grateful for every chance I get to spend with those guys. Peter certainly has the brain but Tom has a really big (slight pause) heart. He’s a really super, super sweet guy. He doesn’t really have a temper at all; he was just really frustrated that we both got nominated. As for Peter, I don’t think he looked foolish at all. I find him the most interesting character and I liked his diary rooms the best. I’m the only one in the house who got to see the real him. I don’t think even Alec (Beall) got to see the real him. I saw the more multi-faceted side, that only a girl could see. So Peter was his true self with me. There were no surprises with his behaviour. I think his temper tantrums were adorable! It was nice to see Peter not so together. I’m sure that he has some sort of capacity to feel and react. As for his exit, I thought it was super-intriguing, and memorable, which is what he’s all about. 

 Liza & Tom

 Peter (in hoodie) & Alec (in hot tub) this duo's secret aliance: The Sheyld

MIZINVANCOUVER: Will she be seeing Tom or Peter? Who got on her nerves the most? Talla? What did she think of Jillian’s win? Does she think Gary should have gotten it? 

Liza:I’m flying to Vancouver tonight to spend two weeks with Peter and afterwards I’m flying out to Winnipeg for a weekend with Tom… y’know, lucky girl! In Vancouver I’ll hang out with Pete, Alec and Suzette (Amaya). When I go to Edmonton, there’s Tom, Talla (Rejaei) and Danielle (Alexander). If I ever make it out to the East coast, (which I have no plans to) that’s Jillian, Emmett (Blois) and Andrew (Monaghan). And lots of people are here. I just had lunch with A.J. as you know. It was the first time I’ve seen him, since the show. And Topaz and Gary (Levy) are in town (Toronto).

As for who got on my nerves, Talla was really my best friend in the house. We went through a challenge being handcuffed to each other for 8 hours, and I really came to love her. Except for when I went on the block and she completely ignored me and hung out with Topaz. She was a floater in the game, and I don’t respect that. But aside from that she never got on my nerves. Gary was super-annoying with all his big, bold glitter-crap and he took up every chest in the bedroom with his stuff and every drawer in the bathroom. A.J. actually got on my nerves the first couple of weeks with his 3^rdperson stuff and hand-talking, I wanted him evicted so he would just stop annoying me. Andrew was very in a very negative mood a lot of the time. At first I loved the crap out of Andrew, we had so much fun together. Honestly, every gets pretty annoying in that house! Gary was the most annoying to live with, A.J. was the most annoying to talk to, but those are two guys I really like in real life and have no problem with now. 

Jillian’s win was shrouded in controversy. She shouldn’t feel good in her heart. I mean Topaz obviously wanted Gary to win, and she wasn’t thinking, and put the wrong key in the thing, and Jillian wins by one vote. Jillian was a really tough competitor. She won lots of HOH’s, she fought her way there. Her and Emmett pretty much lived in the HOH room which made for a very boring and predictable season. She knows she didn’t deserve to win. I don’t know how she could feel good about it since she won by human error.

 Jillian & Emmett locking lips in the HOH (Head of Household) room

 
I don’t think Gary deserved to win either. I would have picked Jillian to win if I had served on that jury. I don’t think anyone who is voted back so late should win the whole game. But he was also a tough competitor. Gary got Tom and I out. He made big moves, won POV’s and an HOH when he needed to win them and he had a really good social game. Had Gary not been voted out and then came back in, he definitely should have won. Because of that though, for the integrity of the game, I would have voted for Jillian.

Continuing our Q & A with some questions that I was bustin' to ask:

Joycie: Who was your biggest BB US influence? 

Liza: I wasn’t trying to mimic anybody. I just went in there being myself playing how I wanted to play, which we saw how that worked out… not so well. I’m really stubborn and opinionated and I get really annoyed with idiots pretty easily and couldn’t bottle up my stuff, because I really didn’t like most of those people. In terms of just BB US people, I love Danielle Reyes, James Rhine, Evil Dick and Will Kirby. Those are my favourites. I love villains and villainesses. 

Joycie: How much did it bother you that you didn’t make the jury? She was evicted fifth in a surprise double eviction with her main squeeze Tom, who was evicted fourth, just moments before her.

Liza: At first I was a little bit disappointed in myself that I didn’t make it to jury, because that was my 2^nd goal. I felt I disappointed my friends and family by not making it farther. But when I look back I am so happy I was evicted when I was because I watched (my friends) walk out the door ahead of me… especially when my friend Tom left that night… and I looked back and saw some cougars who wanted to pounce on me and tear me apart… I mean (they all) hated me. I didn’t want to stay in a venomous snake pit with people who just wanted to kill me, stuck in the jury house with no access to the outside world. I’m a grown woman. I’m 30. I have my own business, I have beautiful friends and family and a great life here. So being evicted when I did and coming back to my wonderful life, and being evicted with Tom, was incredible. 

 From left: Tom, A.J. Talla, and Andrew with the infamous Slop Bucket.

Joycie:  In 10 years time who will you still be friends with from the cast? 

Liza: I will be friends with Aneal and A. J. for the rest of my life. Most people wouldn’t think that but from night one, I felt personally drawn to them. It didn’t work for me inside the game, but I knew outside the game we’d be connected. I met both of their families and they are lovely. When I met up with A.J. at lunch the other day, I felt like I’d known him already for 20 years. Those are my kind of people. I would love to say that in 10 years I will still be friends with Pete and Tom, but unfortunately when you mix romantic situations, depending on how things pan out, I’m not sure if we’re going to stay in touch. But who knows… that’s exciting!

 Aneal & Topaz

 
Joycie: Did you go into Big Brother for professional reasons, to promote your salon, or the books you want to write? Or are you an excitement junkie, for the fun of it, and of course for the chance at the big money, the car, etc. 

Liza: It was all about fun, anything else, (the publicity, etc,) has been a bonus. I had been a huge fan of the show in the US. I was addicted to the first 10 seasons. I felt I was always made for television. I’ve done a lot of TV pilots, and done a lot of stuff on set. I’m not pursuing an acting career, but I definitely have a personality that’s suited for reality television. We know this. I did make the semi-finals for BB US at one point. I didn’t want to be on Survivor with no food and all that junk. Big Brother was the only reality show I ever really wanted to be on. The very second that I heard that it was coming to Canada I just went for it. BB was very, very good to me, and I’m so lucky to have been a part of that show, and I won’t be on any more reality shows.

Joycie: Given the very nature of the show Big Brother, is the cast contractually bound to any kind of confidentiality?  

Liza: Big brother is like the Wizard of Oz, with Emerald City, and Munchkins and Wicked Witches. It’s our job as part of the BB family to not pull the curtain back and expose the Wizard. 

 Breakout star of BB CA season one, Gary 'Glitter'

Joycie: Has anyone from the cast been to your Tanning Spa yet? 

Liza: No one from the cast yet, but everyone’s welcome to come. I worked here for 10 years, worked part-time, fulltime, was the marketing director, then the manager, left for a bit then came back. Two years ago there was an opportunity to buy the place. I have a very close relationship with the previous owners, and they wanted me to take care of their ‘baby’ which was my ‘baby’ too, and we closed the deal. 

Tom, 'Glitter' Gary, & Liza

Joycie: Did you have a romantic relationship prior to going on the show and what’s its status now? 

Liza: Yeah. I was not seriously seeing anybody but I have someone I was dating on and off for 10 years and I don’t think he was expecting to lose me in this manner. But I was in no way committed or monogamous to this person whatsoever. I went on the show absolutely single and I remain absolutely single. 

Joycie: From your many hammock chats, it seemed like you were really trying to break away anyways. 

Liza: Oh my God, Joyce, you really know your sh*t… Did you watch me 24/7? Holy crap, you really know me!

Joycie: I found your non-game chats completely fascinating, which is why you were my favourite female contestant this season. (Of the males, I was rooting for Andrew.)

Liza: Thank you for listening to all my overnight conversations. And you are absolutely right. For this person to know me for 10 years and to not pick me, or choose me… He was very good to me, don’t get me wrong. He was a lovely partner, and y’know, lover. Or I wouldn’t have hung around for 10 years if he wasn’t absolutely lovely. But I have Tom AND Peter picking me. These guys are telling me, “You’re extremely somebody worth fighting for,” and this other guy never bothered to pick me in 10 years. I definitely needed something as massive as Big Brother to end that relationship once and for all. 

 Peter

Joycie: I was ready to start an online drinking game for each time you said the word ‘vagina’. I’ve never heard that word said on TV so much in life Liza. (LOL).

Liza: (laughing) I have two very distinct aspects to my personality, being a Gemini. I have this part of me that’s very mature, adult, loving, caring, and soft. The other side of me, is always going to be a child at heart, who is super vulgar and sailor-mouth, tell it like it is, and rub it in your face. My personality is very polarizing. You either love, love, love me, or you hate, hate, hate me. 

Joycie: You are very candid and centred about it. 

Liza: My mother was surprised I wasn’t more naked on the show. Since I was a kid, I didn’t want to have any clothes on all the time. Doesn’t mean I’m a slut or whore, just very naturalist. It’s a wonder I kept my clothes on (on the show) as much as I did. The only people I care about are my best friends and my family and none of them were surprised at all. I am who I am.

Joycie: Yes you are! I’m so glad we bumped into each other over Dim Sum the other day at Spring Rolls. Enjoy your visits with Peter, Tom, and the rest of the BB CA gang. Thanks again Liza, for inviting me to your Spa, and chatting with me about your experiences on the very first Canadian season of my favourite reality show, Big Brother.

Wishing Liza 'Happy Trails' before she heads out West to visit with her BB CA pals.