THE DAY MY WORLD EXPLODED

 

Last year, on the first day of Spring, my world exploded. My husband Vincent D’Aprile, the love of my life, ultimately lost his battle with Metastatic Cancer.  Thursday, March 21st, 2024, will be the first anniversary of his passing. While my heart is broken, I comfort myself knowing that he’s not suffering anymore, as he rests in well-deserved peace. 

Transcript of My Eulogy for Vince:

“I am humbled and so grateful by everyone’s overwhelmingly kind, thoughtful, and loving words of support. I truly believe that up in heaven Vince is relieved to know that eventually I'll be okay, because I am surrounded by the warmth of so many good, caring, wonderful people.

 You know the cliché a river of tears? With deep, gut-wrenching grief, it's an ocean of ugly sobbing. I've tried on the label Widow, and it's a bad fit. 

I feel hollow to my core. Vinnie took my heart and my soul with him when he shed his mortal coils last Tuesday night. Apparently it was the first day of Spring, and I don't know yet what to make of that. I tend to search for symbolism a lot. 

Vinnie was so special, gentle, and sweet, with the biggest, kindest heart of anyone I've ever known. Smart, and loyal, almost to a fault. And he loved me.

 He told me often that I'm beautiful. I know I'm not. Far from it. But to him I really was. You could see his pride in me, reflected in his eyes. I always felt cherished. 

I had never, ever, experienced unconditional love before we met. But for the past 30 years, because of him, my confidence grew and most days he was able to convince me of my worth. My one certainty is that what we had was special. I'm so grateful that we met. 

One of my most sustaining memories is of peeking out the window, before our first date, and seeing him skipping, SKIPPING up the street in his excitement to see me.

 This deliciously wonderful man didn't deserve to suffer the way he did these past few years. When I had Ovarian Cancer, it was a miracle because it was caught in Stage one. He was my rock during my treatment. But apparently, it seems that sometimes, no good deed goes unpunished.

 A few months after my recovery, he developed Metastatic Cancer. Thyroid Cancer, which went to his lungs. Colorectal Cancer, which went to his lungs. And just recently it went to his liver. He NEVER complained although he lived in increasing agony. He never lost the twinkle in his eyes, or his gentle levity. He fought the good fight, for so long. Perhaps too long. 

Sometimes I think he hung in there for my sake. I recently had a serious medical scare, and when my scan came back okay last week, I suspect he felt relieved, and reassured that he could finally shed his pain-wracked mortal coils, and ascend to heaven in well-deserved peace.

 I am thankful you are finally pain free in the arms of the angels. I love you and I miss you, always and forever, my darling Beshert. *Beshert is Yiddish for Destiny, Soul Mate.” 

_ _ _

When Vince was diagnosed with Metastatic Cancer, he was knocked to his knees, as anyone would be. Then he got up, and geared up for the fight of his life, inspired especially by one particular song which became his battle anthem: 

Jon Bon Jovi’s IT’S MY LIFE

 This ain't a song for the broken-hearted

No silent prayer for faith-departed

And I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd

You're gonna hear my voice when I shout it out loud

It's my life

It's now or never

But I ain't gonna live forever

I just want to live while I'm alive

(It's my life)

My heart is like an open highway

Like Frankie said, "I did it my way"

I just want to live while I'm alive

It's my life

Yeah, this is for the ones who stood their ground

For ‘Vinnie and Joycie’ who never backed down

Tomorrow's getting harder, make no mistake

Luck ain't even lucky, got to make your own breaks

It's my life

And it's now or never

I ain't gonna live forever

I just want to live while I'm alive

(It's my life)

My heart is like an open highway

Like Frankie said, "I did it my way"

I just want to live while I'm alive

'Cause it's my life

Better stand tall when they're calling you out

Don't bend, don't break, baby, don't back down

It's my life

And it's now or never

'Cause I ain't gonna live forever

I just want to live while I'm alive

(It's my life)

My heart is like an open highway

Like Frankie said, "I did it my way"

I just want to live while I'm alive

And it's now or never

I ain't gonna live forever

I just want to live while I'm alive

(‘Cause it's my life)

_ _ _

Among his many life accomplishments, Vince was a brilliant chess player and strategist, a production manager and mechanical genius, and the co-owner of Pastificio D’Aprile.

 His Bench Plaque at Toronto’s Harbourfront:

It’s opposite the sign below, right by the water.

I discovered these adorable pix in his cell phone. 

Treasured Memories

Farewell my love, until we meet again.

_ _ _

Postscript: Vinnie’s fondest wish, as he told me often during his illness, was for me to find the time and energy to begin writing again. I promised him I’d give it my best shot. So please, be on the lookout for upcoming blogs about my recent exploits and beyond. During my struggles to find my footing, solo in the world, this past year, so many of our friends made it a point to drop by, or invited me to their homes, either locally here in Toronto, or as far flung as Brantford, Hamilton, Windsor and Montreal. They invited me to shows and events, to keep me from retreating into isolation and sinking further into despondency. I am forever grateful to these wonderful, kind souls. As a result, I have several upcoming entertaining stories to share with you, here in these long neglected pages. I'm inviting you to accompany me on this exciting, creative journey, because I am determined to make my Vinnie proud. 

_ _ _

Vinnie's Version

Mr. Romance and Me - The Prequel!

After reading my first blog, my husband reminded me that 11 years prior to our meeting via the BBS, we’d actually met before. I confess that to this day, I have absolutely no recollection of this, but I CAN confirm the details... Here's his version:

Vinnie: “I used to hang out at the local Chess Club and the players would take turns picking up refreshments for everyone. One evening it was my turn, so I went to this doughnut shop just around the corner. There was a line-up, and when I finally got to the front of the line, I saw this nice looking girl working alone behind the counter. I wanted to hang out there longer, but it was hectic and she was busy. Clearly she was inexperienced, but to me she looked tremendous. Unfortunately that day I didn’t look any better than some bum stepping out from under a bridge. I had a beard and was really scrawny and scruffy. 

"So I placed my order. Like I said, she was really inexperienced behind the counter - but she was beautiful. I returned the next evening hoping to see the same girl again, and to my disappointment, she was not there. I kept going back, day after day after day, but she was no longer there. I was broken-hearted.

“Years later I met this girl by chance through an online BBS. She seemed vaguely familiar, and I never forget a face. When we were in the ‘getting to know you’ stage, it came up in conversation that she’d lived near the Chess Club for a short time. My mind did a small leap and I asked her if she’d ever worked at that doughnut shop. She said she had – but for one night only! When she showed me pictures of her from that time, it clicked that for sure, it was her.”

I was stunned when he told that I was his mystery crush - although all the facts fit. I had worked there for one night in 1982. I'd been petrified about having to work the graveyard shift, especially since it was in a somewhat seedy neighbourhood. So I asked two guys who lived in my building up the street, to sit at the counter and keep me company during my shift, which they readily agreed to, in exchange for endless cups of coffee, which I readily agree to. I was as frazzled as Lucy and Ethel in the chocolate factory TV episode and I quit the next morning. 

Unfortunately that’s all I remember of that fateful night. Thank heavens we finally met (again!) in 1993. We both firmly believe it was fate that brought us together, and here's the evidence:

We met 11 years after our initial meeting. 11 happens to be my favourite number.

My name’s Joyce. He’s from a small Italian village called Gioia, pronounced Joya.

His surname is D’Aprile which translates to ‘of April’. Can you guess when my birthday is? 

Vinnie’s name translated from the Italian means ‘to conquer’. I had an Uncle ‘Victor’.  

I’m a matzo ball, he’s a meatball. Both delicious menu choices!

Upon hearing this, a friend exclaimed, “You two are definitely Bashert!” (Bashert means Destiny in Yiddish.)

I taped my husband recounting his version of how we met, (for this blog) the other night. Afterwards I noticed the digital counter on my tape-recorder displaying this: 

 11/11

There's that number again - twice!

Coincidence? Perhaps. Synchronicity? Absolutely!

Coincidence occurs when something uncanny, accidental and unexpected happens under conditions named, but not under a defined relationship. /Wikipedia

Synchronicity is the experience of two or more events that are apparently causally unrelated or unlikely to occur together by chance and that are observed to occur together in a meaningful manner. /Wikipedia

Picture courtesy of Google Images